First on the list will be my friends in high school. Actually there are seven of us, but now that we're already in college, we rarely see each other together. Sometimes by twos or threes, but never as a whole. So, time for making code names for them, they'll be: Khaki, Purple, Red, Ecru, Silver, and Auburn. Out of them, I'm closest with Khaki, though she's the eldest in the group and I'm the youngest (hehe). Anyways, I miss them a lot, especially Auburn and Ecru. We rarely communicate due to the hectic schedule that we have. Oh! How I miss bonding with them and laughing our heads off during lunches and breaks. I really hope to see them again.
Second will be my college friends. I know that they're a different set of people from my high school friends but I can't help but compare both groups. Honestly, I prefer my high school friends, but I'm not saying that I hate my college friends. It's just that there are still stuffs that they don't know about me and I'm not that confident to share these to them. I sometimes struggles to let them know how I feel not vocally but by my actions, but I guess, the message I want them to receive doesn't seem to reach them. Sometimes, I also disagree with their decisions but I just remain quiet and wait for them to ask about my opinion and share my thoughts, but most of the time I just get disappointed. Yeah. I know I have a lot of complain against them, but they're a bunch of sweet people that I can still rely on when I need it.
Third is my family. I'm not really the type of person who shares my thoughts to my mom, or communicates with my father about my problems or just telling my sisters my secrets. I'm the type of person who relies more on my friends than my family. I'm the eldest, so technically, a lot of expectations and responsibilities are on my shoulders. It's not that I can't do it, it's because I don't want to be pressured because I'm the type who works worse under pressure. I know some of my friends see me as a spoiled child but, in reality, I'm only spoiled to them because I kinda seek attention that I don't usually get from my family.
Last, I know a lot of fan girls feel the same way, but I sometimes daydream what will happen to my life when the time comes for me to meet him personally. I also think about what will I say, what will I wear. I'm planning way ahead that sometimes that it creeps me out because I don't know what'll happen to me if I receive disappointment. Nevertheless, I still hope that I'll see him and make him know my existence and remember me for the rest of his life. I know it sounds kinda impossible but I hope that at least the last part will happen. I want him to have a soft spot in his heart for me like the way I do.
Yeah, so that's what I think most of the time. It bugs me but I think a lot, even while typing this very blog, I'm thinking of other things. I sometimes wonder if my mind ever gets tired of too much thinking of a lot of things. I maybe kinda weird but that's me. So that's all for now. Wait for my next blog.=))))))
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